He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Randomize
