im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
