Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
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You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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