apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
