Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
