Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I got inside last night via doggy door
i think im in europe. pls send help
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
