i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
