My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
a search helicopter?!
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
