Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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