ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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