C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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