mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
