he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
