she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
