He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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