After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
