He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize