Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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