Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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