you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
