At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
