We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
