I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I wanna passion pit in your ass
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
