Already got asked if we're dating
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you inspire me to be a worse person
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
