If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
