New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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