My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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