For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
