I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
