I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
