Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My bed smells like the plague
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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