I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
