I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I supernannyed him into submission
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
