Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Randomize
