Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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