sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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