If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
