i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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