My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
