Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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