Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
