With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
