Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
