Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
