No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
