i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
