My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize