Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
