I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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