Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
