I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
