last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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