look no pants
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
