When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
