Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
