i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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