If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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