11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
