it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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