I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
