Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
