So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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