I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
