Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
