Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
