we have pet lesbian snakes
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
