You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
