I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
