Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
