Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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