so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
