I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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