drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
