You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
