If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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