Will you blow on my dice?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
